Fat Italian Gramma: It’s like scratching the itch I have had on my bac...

Fat Italian Gramma: It’s like scratching the itch I have had on my bac...: . Ok this one is interesting. I love Anthony Bourdain …hell - I want the balls to walk into a restaurant in Namibia serving fried goat t...

It’s like scratching the itch I have had on my back-side since I was born

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Ok this one is interesting.  I love Anthony Bourdain …hell  - I want the balls to walk into a restaurant in Namibia serving fried goat testicles and those powdered donuts you see all the kids running around with all over their *face.  I also think his book is pretty good to.  I mean- how would I know that checks routinely have sex in the chiller on top of the usually innocuous bib lettuce and brownschweiger if not for his book?  Or that “jizz” is kitchen short hand for mise en place?

Now we have Paula Dean.  She reminds me of my gramma so I think she is wonderful.  My gramma loved her cooking and Paula doesn’t always simplify, water down or basically treat people like a moron and ensuring them that it is quick and easy, that you can use short cuts, use less than 5 ingredients to make it or for god sakes in under 30 minutes with a dab of smoky cumin and some EVOO. 

I bit into a fantastic bar of pumpkin with cobbler topping and chunks of caramel/toffee that about made my teeth pull up root and hop down my throat to get away from the hellish overload of butter and sugary sugar sugar.  I also appreciate that she is a woman business owner, seems like a great mom/gramma/wife and generally has a kind attitude and a lot of drive.

But here is the down side… I don’t really like that she takes part in those freaking food competitions and at this point does not have a show on COOK in addition to (or preferably in place of) her shows on FOOD.  And selling out to that ham company and schlepping hams all over town is beneath her. 

And, if I have not mentioned this recently I think FOOD network sucks sucks sucks. There remains not one single show that I will watch on the network and when I channel surf and see all of the stupid food competitions like cupcake wars or some roided up jar head choosing on his own validation to be “challenged” to cook a meal for 500- people in the middle of an air-port hanger in the desert with nothing to use but bugs and his own bodily fluid with a blind Labrador retriever as his “robin” to get the job done…. I say: “Holy food competition batman this show sucks!!”

So to this whole situation I say this: leave Paula to her bacon glazed doughnut and Anthony to his cereal bowl of pee.  It was good publicity to both of them and I love the drama cause it brings attention to the real gritty visceral side of cooking where it ought to be instead of kim kardashians and her sisters stupid ass wedding.  I am sure Anthony isn’t perfect but at this point I agree with him so much that if I knew of a short-coming I would overlook it because he is keeping it real and being honest. 

On a final note – here are a few quotes from Anthony’s recent People Article: Watching Sandra Lee cook makes Anthony’s eyes bleed,  a cheese burger between donuts is no “southern cooking”, Rachel can be quoted as saying she was never good at cooking, Guy Fieri makes Anthony think “ Jesus, I’m glad that’s not me.”  Hearing Anthony Bordaine say these things was like scratching an itch that I have had on my back-side since the first time I realized the bathroom was for going “potty” and the kitchen is for cooking food.

*(It’s just a joke people – this is supposed to funny – if you can’t handle my brand of joke then find another blog to read)

Bacon bacon bacon it's BACON!!

It’s been over two months since the last time I posted!  Thank you for coming back!!

I went to Walker and spent almost three weeks at the cabin and it was totally awesome.  There were a few cooking related instances to note.  The first being that I actually went out and bought a peeler knife and a 10 inch chef’s knife.  I just couldn’t stand the ones they had there and wasn’t going to take it for three whole weeks!  I know they were appreciated because anytime someone else cooked they used them.

I was able to sample some food that my cousin made – he is a chef and I have always wanted to talk to someone about cooking while they are cooking and I got my chance.  I am sure I was totally annoying because I asked him and talked about nothing but cooking for like 4 days in a row.  I couldn’t help myself!

So my cousin made bacon pancakes one morning and they were surprisingly good.  I do like the way the bacon tastes when it runs a foul and bumps into the pancakes – but never at the guts to mess with my pancakes.  It’s hard to try something new when you know that it would work out 100% perfect if you do what you always and know how to do.  The chance of screwing it up – especially y for company really detours me from doing that. 

It was surprising simple. He diced up the bacon into about 1 inch by ½ inch pieces and then sautéed them until they were crispy – this is important because having little chunks of fatty flaccid bacon is totally disgusting!! I don’t like flaccid things….

He put the bacon bits into the batter along with some of the bacon fat.  When he went to cook the pancakes he brushed some of the reserved bacon fat on the griddle and that infused another layer of delicious baconey goodness. 

Since we are taking about sweet breakfast items I have a recommendation: In the organic section of the grocery store they have mini blueberry waffles – they are perfect for messy little kids.  I went to the golden fit on grand avenue and purchased some maple syrup sugar and after applying butter on the waffles I sprinkle that delicious stuff on the waffle and I don’t have to worry about my son making a huge mess like he does with normal syrup but I don’t rob him from the chance to taste maple syrup.  Righteous!