Fat Italian Gramma: Helping Mother Nature - Go All The Way!!

Fat Italian Gramma: Helping Mother Nature - Go All The Way!!: 8:30AM on TPT 17 - I have watched Nick Stello’s” Cooking with Friends” for a few years now and he usually has some good recipes.   But t...

Helping Mother Nature - Go All The Way!!

8:30AM on TPT 17 - I have watched Nick Stello’s” Cooking with Friends” for a few years now and he usually has some good recipes.  But the show I watched today takes the cake.  I have never ever heard any other chef describe and talk about food in such an over-the-top “sexy talk” kind of way.  

It is so over-the top I decided to take an inventory of some of the things he said in just half of one episode about making shrimp pasta and crab/lobster burgers*. 

I would normally not take quotes out of context – but I think this guy wants you to take the comments out of the context of cooking – there is just something about the way he says it – that you know he is a freaky freak. I am fairly familiar with cooking vernacular and this just ain’t normal:

-         - Help Mother Nature go all the way

-          -Wonderful Juices

-         - If you feel like an athlete than you will do this and you will play with it until it is wetter

-         - Mingling and leaking juices

-          -Seduced by aroma

-         - That….I know it is about to come

-         - It scores points for me

-         - If you want to get crabs – you go get crabs

-        -  I will be your personal bowl holder

-         - How hot do you want it?

-         - I saw you look at them with Love

-         - I want to see the artistry come out – show me what I came to see

-          -Did you do this just for me?  I love the fact that I get exclusive billing in your creation –

-         - I am prepared for you – I am the king….. of spoons

-         - O my Gosh – you are absolutely fabulous

-         - Should I go this way, this way, or should I go this way?

-          -Are you having fun?  Would you like to come back?

And finally:

“by the way…this is something that I love to do – just looking sometime at a sauce cooking… putting itself together, going to the next stage – that is what makes me truly excited. “

www.Nickstellino.com ­ ­ - he is for rizzlze

*three quarters of this episode he had guest chef Michael Hillyer of the Capital Grille – and still…. He said this crazy shit while they were cooking together.  Must have  made that poor guy about ready to run out the back freakin’ door.    

Fat Italian Gramma: Brains Taste Like Crap

Fat Italian Gramma: Brains Taste Like Crap: It’s been a very long time since I last blogged.   Life has been crazy and a matter of fact – I am typing using my router and Wi-Fi on ...

Brains Taste Like Crap

It’s been a very long time since I last blogged.  Life has been crazy and a matter of fact – I am typing using my router and Wi-Fi on the can.  No seriously – that is how I found the time to do this.

So, while on the subject of crap and other things associated I have something to say about how crappy a pigs head tastes.  My sister and I went to the Sample Room recently and I am not saying anything about the rest of their food – I have been there more than once and it was really a good experience.

Two spots opened up at the bar so we decided to just sit/eat at the bar.  The bar-tender or “mixologist” as one with culinarily refined language would say – was a douche bag.  We need to know some specifics so we didn’t over or under order – especially having somewhere to go when we were done.  So – said Bartender was also our waiter and we had to wait until he was done getting everyone and their mother drinks before he made his way to our end of the bar.  This didn’t bother me in the least.

What did bother me was when I asked him details about the food and he acted like I was a stupid first-timer not knowing what I was getting into.  A) everyone is a first timer at some point and B) it’s your freakin’ job to make us happy when we are your customers.  As much as a bartender wants to be Dear Abby or Dr. Melfi – you are still working so don’t be an ass and make your customers feel stupid.   – Cause’ they just might blog about it!!

BTW-I just flushed and washed my hands.

So back to what I was saying…. the bartender acted like I was stupid when I asked specific questions –for example: I asked him if the Souvied & Braised pigs head was too much for one person – and if not, what would he recommend to accompany the pigs head.  You would have thought I asked for Ketchup to coat over my fillet minion.

Now two things are going on here – 1) I am ordering a freakin’ pigs head and 2) what the hell are they doing when they say Souvied/braised pigs head.  That question matters to me because preparation can have a huge impact on how it turns out.  With anything – not just a pigs head.

So # 1 – ordering a pigs head: yes we did. Both my sister and I decided to give it a try.  We had our Andrew Zimmern moment and it ended up tasting like the smell of a barn yard.  Some pieces were worse than others – the cheek was just fine, the tongue was tolerable but the brain – well I had a really hard time even swallowing it.  And… the taste it left in my mouth lingered so long I ate an entire box of altoids before the night was over.  The texture was intolerable and it had a barn yard funk that wouldn’t go away. I now have post-tramatic syndrome…. Every time I see a souvied & braised pig head I get dizzy and feel like I am going to toss my cookies.J/K

On top of the whole carnal nature of tearing and cutting up something like a head. If you are going to eat the tongue – then you will need to work your way around or through the teeth and chin.  And I was a little disappointed that they removed the eye – because I have always wanted to say “In a pigs eye – you a$$ hole!) and actually know what I am talking about and add the extra snobby burn.

#2 – how did they souvie and braise the thing.  Here is the lesson part of this blog: to souvie typically means to package it up so it is water proof and put it in a bath of moving water that is set to a specific temperature.  MANY restaurants do this because they can get your meal done well in advance and once it is ordered they just toss it on a grill/pan/oven to crisp things up a bit and you are good to go.  It is a good technique that works well in most cases – I’d love to have one at home but they are terribly expensive.

The whole braising part was a mystery for me.  I usually add liquid to something and bake it for a really long time – until it falls apart.  Much like the “what what is in the butt post”.  But the skin was so crunchy and stiff they must have performed some kind of voodoo sanitaria on it before bringing it to us – cause I don’t think you get a crisp outcome if you don’t do something hot and serious.  Let me know if I am wrong.  I am open to suggestions.  

So, maintaining my veneer of  kindness :-) and not wanting to be rude - once we were done we got a "doggie" box because there was a lot left.  But it was literally for our dog(s).  I was sure that Herk (my family dog) would eat the ear (little stubby hairs and all) - but I was not certain about my dog *Teensia Maria Guadeloupe Escobar nibbling on a little tongue and cheek action. 

I ended up having a long and crazy night so I didn't remember that I had a pigs-head doggie bag on the floor of my back seat.  Then it got kinda' warm outside.  And I ended up getting busier and  ran out of brain-space to remember simple things like doggie bags.  And I had a cold.  But I will tell you this - after about three days - pigs head will start to smell and it won't go away!!!!